By Joan Courtney, C.Ht.

Unstuck Living

Your favorite barista. The cashier at the grocery store. The smiling lady at your mail drop. The woman at the copy shop who connected you with her son to help you move. The people who taught you to survive on your own after your husband died. What do these folks have in common? They are your soft connections to the world.

Strong and soft connections

Just as a tree has deep roots and a strong trunk, some relationships have strong connections. Family and close friends are here. You spend significant time together, go on weekend outings, and text and talk frequently. You know these people and their families in depth, for you have ongoing physical and emotional ties.

Soft, or weak, connections add color to your life. You may not see them often, but they’re the ones you feel at home with when you connect. There’s a heart-to-heart kinship with them.

•  A few years ago, I was making frequent trips to see my mom before she passed. I stayed at the same motel, and Jessie, the check-in clerk, always greeted me with a smile and a happy greeting. I felt so at home.

•  In 2004, I took a fascinating beading class at Northland Pioneer College and met a woman I call the Imagineer. After a while, I met her partner. We struck up a warm friendship and kept in touch — now talking every Sunday morning. She’s my bestie!

• When painting a house, I met the store manager of the paint shop and her husband. We lost touch over the years (how many homes can you paint?) but I remembered her fondly.

Fast forward a decade. I was taking my morning walk when a familiar voice called out, “Hey, Joan!” There was my friend! We now chat and catch up on the latest every morning.

These leaves on your tree may stay for a long time. Or be there only for a season. They are there to add zest to your world. Warmth to your heart. And are irreplaceable in what they leave behind.

Want more soft ties?

You want more of these people in your circle, so how do you bring them in? Here are some tips:

• Smile. Be it the postal worker, your mechanic, or the teller at the bank, smile and be friendly. They can provide friendly support with good humor, and you want to be the one to uplift their day, too.

• Get curious. What are they about? Hobbies? Do they raise dogs? Bake cakes for special occasions? Their oldest just off to college? You can learn so much if you’re open to listen.

• Keep in touch. It’s easy to text or call. To stop by where they work and chat for a moment. When you do, remember what’s important to them. And ask: how’s Scotty doing at his new job? Do you have a litter of new puppies? Extend that hand of friendship and feel your heart open.

Develop those soft ties and connections, and your life expands. After all, you can never have too many friends. Live unstuck.

Joan Courtney is a clinical hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner. Writing for Outdoors Southwest and other publications on the Mountain, she also ghostwrites bi-weekly posts for Lil’ Toot, the Canine Executive Officer of Unstuck Living.