The most recent experience for me has been in the category of Mountain Biking. I have had — and have ridden — a mountain bike for several years. I wanted to get into the sport but didn’t want to spend a bunch of money. I wanted a bike that was better than Walmart but more entry level. So, I went to Cycle Mania, our local bike shop, and explained what I was wanting to do. They put me into a beginner-level bike that was better than Wally World but priced to fit my budget. That bike lasted me more years than I care to admit but I was finally ready to step it up. So, I went back (several times) and finally decided on a significant upgrade and went ahead with the purchase. I had decided that I was going to get serious and I needed the equipment to match my level of commitment. I now affectionately refer to my new bike as my Welfare Starter Kit. 

It’s not just a new bike. It’s a new helmet, new pedals, new shoes to go with the pedals, gloves and an air pump. Why an air pump? Gotta have air in your tires and — low and behold — it needs to be a specific amount. No more hitting it with the air compressor and If the tires don’t pop, you’re good. Then you have to take care of it so there’s chain lube, de-greasers and other cleaning supplies. Oh, then you realize that the chain ring is smaller than you like and that the rear cassette is not adequate with the type of riding that you want to do. And so on and so on. Will it ever end? Probably not.

One of the things that I just never really thought about is the clothing. There was a time — and only about a year ago — that I swore that I would not wear the spandex biking shirts or shorts. I have seen too many people wearing that stuff that just really shouldn’t. The thing is though, if you want to be competitive, you have to wear what the other riders are wearing. I hate to say it but it does help you to be faster and is more comfortable. So, yes, I bit the bullet and I have the garb. Here’s the thing though, the butt is padded. What a concept — padded bike shorts and pants? These are awesome even though you feel like there is a diaper or something down there. Kind of makes you walk funny, like there’s something in your shorts that shouldn’t be. Speaking of ‘diaper.’ One of the things that I am just coming to realize is where do you pee? Staying hydrated is a must and the more you drink, the more you pee. I really don’t want to stop while I am out there so I googled it. Some riders wear a diaper — not really called that — but, if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it’s probably a duck. Other riders (especially the road racers) just pick a downhill spot where they can coast a bit and let it go. Yes, they just pee on their bikes. Could you imagine being behind that guy? I hope your sunglasses have windshield wipers. What about in the Tour de France when they show the leaders on the podium at the end of the day with the cute girls all around. Are they worried about the funny smell? Fortunately, most of the organized rides you see come with port-a-potties and, if you must go, just take a few seconds and go. If you’re not going to use the facilities, can I just get around you first?

I’ll close with a few of my own tips on the spandex thing. First, don’t wear it to the grocery store. Second, have a pair of shorts or sweat pants handy so that when you are done with your ride, you can cover up. Finally, if you have a dickie-do, you may want to hold off on wearing spandex for a while. What’s a dickie-do? That’s when you go to the fridge to get you a snack and your belly gets there before your…… Never mind. See you on the trail.